Soylent Green

To the strains of the Pastoral, the boys stared into the empty green nothingness of Western Colorado as they began the long haul to Omaha.The excitement could be briefly summarized – the odd tree, cows and the occasional bump in the otherwise flat pancake. Maybe if Trump built a wall here it might attract some migrants?Sometimes there was a slow train coming: that really got our pulses going, but in a laid back way; nothing high speed here. Still, there seems to be golf in Hugo, south of Last Chance.You may be impressed that despite the crushing monotony of the landscape that we are not on the verge of a Thelma and Louise exit, just to liven things up.

Well we front loaded our excitement for the day, a bit like time restricted feeding ( something we should try). After loading the trunk of the car with Blair’s massive red Bertha, assorted other bags of junk and dirty washing and my few compactly packed essentials, we found that the trunk would not close. After multiple repacking and eventually complete unpacking it still would not lock closed.

An expedition to the Porsche dealership 10 miles away provided plenty of thrills, especially when the unlocked trunk sprang open on the interstate. The need to make the minimum 40mph was a nice contrast to all those tons.

Eventually we made it to the welcome concern of Ethan Valeruz. When I took him round the back of the car to show him the unlockable trunk we now found it was unopenable. Bloody Germans.

Like someone I know, we just kept pressing buttons , Ethan saying this was a first for him: then it sprang open. As we contemplated an extra night in Denver to wait for parts , Ethan tried the long button push, a political favorite, the system reprogrammed and we were back in business. A bit like Hilary’s reset with the Russians except this worked.

After that we needed the numbing solace of Western Colorado. And then we were in Nebraska – strikingly more fertile from the state line.So when things look bleak, all you need is love…